My narcissism, your browser.

The Offspring used to be a badass band. I remember cheating on my girlfriend with her best girlfriend to their last good CD; Americana. At 16 nothing lasts forever. Maybe except that stupid Slipknot tattoo she got on her shoulder. Stupid Girl. That's a song by Cold, relatively unknown band. That song was stuck on repeat for days on end about the time when I first got dumped. Enough rambling about lost love and crappy bands, let's talk about getting a job on today's market. Read on after the jump!

I'm 28, no longer a cheating asshole and developed a good - who am I kidding, fucking awesome - taste in music. On a sidenote; It saddens me that no one seems to know Fats Domino, Dean Martin or Jerry Lee Lewis. Only a few vaguely seem to know who Johnny Cash.
I'm getting old. I really am. I'm not really fussed by it. It's a good thing. I put things in their proper context and my decisions are more or less rational and less impulsive. "Old enough to know it's a bad idea, young enough not to care" is the expression I believe? The whole Kawasaki story is a good example of bad decision-taking.

However, during the summer of 2010, I made one hell of a good decision. Multiple ones even. First of all, I am going back to school and get my Bachelor degree... to start with. The following might possibly sound like I'm pigeonholing myself into a victim position... and I kind of am. It is my own fault I didn't finish my Bachelor and had to put up with some really shitty jobs but some recruiters are idiots and others are downright fucking insulting.

Example A; I take the time and courtesy to read your company's website, what your company stands for and check out the job offers. There is one that quickly catches my eye and a closer look tells me I'm the candidate for this job; I match the profile and tick some of the bonus skills boxes. I get all excited and I click apply. I get redirected to an external website. Great, just what I needed, a third-party recruiting cv-hogging warehouse, hosted on a buggy server. I really want this job so I sit through the excruciatingly painful process of having to fill in fields on a buggy and slow website...while I could just send you my very complete resume and get it over with. 30 minutes of filling in useless fields, I click apply but the crappy page is still loading so I run downstairs for a Coke. I come back to a server timeout, rageclick refresh and I have to redo the whole thing. My cursor hovers over the close button but I really really really want this position. Thankfully I'm a pretty smart guy so I open the notepad document I pasted my responses in and copy paste everything in the appropriate fields. I click apply again, go downstairs for another Coke, a wee and come back to a nice Application Successfully Received graphic. Awesome, I hope for the best. Not being an idiot has its advantages so I carefully read up on their application guidelines and the whole process. This company explicitly promises me a reply within two weeks. I re-read my motivational letter/speech and give myself an imaginary pat on the back. Well done Ken. If my posts were as awesome as my motivational speeches I'd have 16k visitors instead of 16.
Fast forward three weeks. Still no reply from said company, no confirmation mail, nothing. I tell myself that it's a very nice position and it's very likely that lot of candidates applied so I'm patient. I also understand if I were applying to a job that was completely out of my league, the recruiter would delete my mail and laugh. In this case, it isn't. Another two weeks go by and I'm kind of annoyed that there has been no feedback. Nothing at all. I decide to "fuck it" and get on with my search. Luckily I didn't put all my eggs in one basket. Another three weeks later I get a mail to inform me that my candidacy has not been withheld. No explicit reason why, just the "YOU DIDNT MAKE IT LOL" template. If it takes your company 2 months to get back to a candidate, get some people in HR who actually know what the fuck they're doing.It's disgusting and you're insulting my intelligence.
Another example, Example B;
I applied for a position 3 weeks ago. An HR Trainee/Robot/insert denigrating term here calls me and we go through the motions of the initial screening process. Her questions are stupid. If only she actually _read_ my CV and motivational letter; those would've answered her questions. I successfully jumped through her fucking hoops like a dolphin in captivity and get invited for a "get-to-know-you" talk.
The day of the interview, I wear a gray suit, blue shirt, black/gray tie and black polished shoes. Always. A suit stands for professionalism and I feel comfortable in it. Not too much perfume and breath-mints. I've never been late to an interview, ever. I go in 10/12 minutes early. The guy is late, as per usual. A swift but firm handshake is my first chance to make a good impression. Seriously, it's important. I'd never hire a guy whose hands are made out of jelly. During the interview, I hear "so tell me about yourself. Who is Ken?". I dread the question but still I reply and tell them the story about my career so far, in detail. I don't lie, it will only fuck me over in the end. I'm honest when the guy in front of me asks why I didn't finish my Bachelor or asks me what I'd like to change about myself. My perfectionism and my lack of tact. I'm witty and a smartass so I tend to tell people whatever I think. Bad move if the guy you're talking to is your boss. I prove I've done my homework, I can tell what the company does, what they stand for, look up employees on LinkedIn, check out their CEO and CIO and if applicable, check transcripts on seekingalpha. No one wants to work a company with a huge churn. An hour later, I know everything I want to know and hopefully so does the interviewer. I'm honest, if I don't like the job how it was described, I will tell this person and not nod yes yes like a tool sign up for a job I won't like anyway. I expect the same from the interviewer. Please don't insult my intelligence and be honest. If you are not happy that I do not have a Bachelor degree or that most of my skills are self-taught or that my personality is too outgoing or whatever, please tell me so. If you tell me I'll get feedback before the end of the week, please do so. He doesn't and tells me "I've got a good feeling about this". I smile back and hope for the best. I liked the company and I'm excited about the job. Three weeks later - so two weeks overdue - I receive a mail from the HR dummy explaining that I am not being withheld. In this case I call and ask more information. My personality came on too strong. What?
Be honest. Tell me if I'm coming on too strong or whatever. I've had some enjoyable interviews with people who actually said what they thought. Refreshing and it lands you in my top 5 of "companies to work for". Just for being honest and direct.
I could go on and on about some of the mind boggling interviews I've been to or mails I received.

So, I'm going back to school. This time, cum laude. It's my own fault because women and booze were more important than getting a degree, but I don't deserve to be pigeonholed into a helpdesk position just because I lack the degree. I aced 6 years of maths and sciences, doesn't that stand for anything? Most likely not. How about my 8 years experience and the countless hours I spent at home trying new things, installing VMWare ESX, studying UML just because it looked interesting? Oh right you want me to pay 250€ so I can just TRY and have a go at the exam. Regardless, I am going back to school in October, shell out the 75€ for the ITIL exam and another 45€ for the Prince2 Foundation exam. Not an easy road, but I've never been more determined to go this way.